Motherhood is a 24/7 job. There are no breaks, no sick days, and no vacations. And while it’s one of the most rewarding jobs in the world, it can also be one of the most exhausting.
I speak from personal experience, here, dear readers…
Recently, my son attended Science Camp and my husband went on a backpacking trip and this left me alone for an entire weekend: this experience left me with so many thoughts, insights, and illuminations that I was extremely motivated to share with my readers and friends!
Motherhood has been the most rewarding — but also the most overwhelming — adventure of my life. As mothers, there is a massive tendency to put yourself last. I’m guilty of it, my girlfriends are guilty of it, and honestly, I don’t know a single woman out there who is either a partner or a mother who doesn’t tend to think of herself until AFTER she’s thought of everyone else…
That’s why it’s so important for moms to have some alone time to themselves. Even if it’s just for a few minutes each day, having some time to relax and recharge can make a big difference in a mom’s mental and physical health.
Here are just a few of the reasons why moms need alone time:
- To reduce stress. Motherhood can be incredibly stressful. There’s always something to do, someone to take care of, and a never-ending to-do list. Having some alone time can help moms to relax and de-stress.
- To improve mood. When moms are stressed and exhausted, they’re more likely to feel irritable and down. Having some alone time can help moms to improve their mood and boost their overall mental well-being.
- To boost energy levels. When moms are constantly running on empty, they’re more likely to make mistakes and get sick. Having some alone time can help moms to recharge and boost their energy levels.
- To improve relationships. When moms are taking care of themselves, they’re better able to be present and engaged in their relationships with their partners, children, and other loved ones.
- To pursue personal interests. Motherhood is a big part of a woman’s life, but it’s important to remember that she’s still an individual with her own interests and hobbies. Having some alone time can give moms the opportunity to pursue their own interests and feel more fulfilled as individuals.
I couldn’t believe how relaxed, fulfilled, and satisfied I felt the first evening, as I sat outside in my front yard veggie garden — just listening to the birds and the sound of the trees whooshing in the wind. It was SO freeing that it hit me immediately: “WHY don’t I do this kind of thing for myself regularly?”
Over the next few days of being alone, I was constantly and consistently reminded how rejuvenating the experience was for me. Whether it was turning all the lights out in the house, lighting my candles, pouring myself a glass of wine, or binge-watching Escape To The Country….
Or, taking the time to make myself a fancier-than-normal breakfast, reading my magazines without interruption, catching up with friends via telephone (which I almost never have time to do whenever the boys are around!), and cleaning up the house a bit and it actually STAYING clean for longer than 20 minutes!  🤪
This experience also inspired me to do something I had never thought to do with our beloved motor home, “Nessie.” This experience of being alone — and just how invigorating and insightful it was — inspired me to attempt to take 1 to 2 trips a year to a lovely campground. BY MYSELF.
I don’t think I would have ever done that (even though I have driven Nessie by myself all the way up to North-Eastern Oregon!)Â — or, thought of that, as a gift to myself! I remember that trip back in 2018: we had committed ourselves to camp hosting in Joseph, Oregon for TWO months! But, they required the hosts to be there on summer dates when the boys were still in school (hubby is a high school teacher and my son was in school still)Â so it was decided that I would go it alone! Well technically our French Bulldog, Angus, joined me. I had to stay at two different campgrounds by myself, which meant hooking up the rig to the sewer and water — something I had always previously depended on the hubby to do!
I reflected back on that trip on my recent weekend alone: I immediately remembered how utterly content I was to be by myself (errrr, and Angus!)Â and how these small snippets of time where there are no interruptions, expectations, or responsibilities truly revitalized me and also how this recent weekend alone had done the same….
Here are some tips for moms to find alone time:
- Talk to your partner. Explain to your partner the importance of alone time and ask for their help in making it happen. They may be able to take the kids for a few hours each week or watch them while you go out for a walk or coffee.
- Schedule it in. If you don’t schedule alone time, it’s likely to get lost in the shuffle of other commitments. Make a time in your calendar each week for yourself and stick to it.
- Be flexible. Things don’t always go according to plan, so be flexible with your alone time. If something comes up and you have to cancel, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just reschedule for another time.
- Don’t feel guilty. It’s important to remember that you deserve alone time. You’re a better mother when you’re taking care of yourself.
You know what else?
Ensuring Mama gets “me time” is also (actually!) incredibly healthy and necessary for her kiddo(s)! I think so many women and moms out there tend to feel guilty about thinking about or actually taking time to be alone. Seriously: it’s an epidemic, dear readers!!! But what are you teaching your daughters and sons when you overexert yourself, end up becoming seriously grumpy or angry, and then end up lashing out at everyone in the family?
Taking time to ourselves for us women/moms should NOT be such a mental battlefield: we NEED it in order to be BETTER parents.
Not convinced? Here is a list of very important reasons all Mama’s out there NEED to take time to themselves:
- Your Kids Learn Coping Strategies: how many times have you heard or read that child psychologists often preach to teach children to stop, take deep breaths, and step away from the situation? A million! So, what are we teaching our kids when we don’t know how to do just that? Our kids watch our behaviors so incredibly closely — we owe it to not only ourselves but also them to SHOW them how important it is to stop, calm down, and refuel our mental health.
- Your Kids Learn to Take Care Of Themselves Better: when we show our kids that we know how to take time for ourselves, we are teaching them that pursuing what is important to us is equally important to others’ needs. This is how many people often discover hobbies or talents they may not have known they had! They also become less dependent on us for absolutely e.v.e.r.y.th.i.n.g. VERY critical to teach the children in today’s world….
- Your Kids Learn What It Looks Like To Give To Others And To Oneself: often times, I will make sure that my husband and my son watch a documentary or a silly tween show my son likes while I go in the other room to watch something *I* want to watch. Do I sometimes – to this day – feel guilty? YES. But, guess what? I still do it. Because my son is learning how to spend and depend on my husband just as much as me. It is also important to my son to learn that my husband is “okay” with me taking time to be alone after a busy day. He is learning how to be the type of husband in the future who acknowledges that it’s important to do this for one’s spouse. He is also learning that regardless of being a man or woman, it is very important to ensure one takes the time to just be alone and in the company of themselves.
- It Teaches Our Kids That It Is Okay To Depend On Community: this is a huge one! My mother has always been an absolute MASSIVE help in the raising of our son. She is incredible, really: she has always come to our house 1-2 times each week to help out in any way necessary. I realize how *VERY* lucky I am to have this! She does dishes (🙌), cleans up, ensures my son is getting his homework completed, plays with him, and takes him outside for adventures. This allows me to do sooooo many things that I wouldn’t be able to do without her help! Write blog posts, for one! My son learns how important these associations are, and it is a win-win because he gets to learn to be closer to others, whether that be family or friends!
- Our Kids Learn To Ask For Help: my son has witnessed this many times, and I’m glad! He has seen me break down, cry, and communicate my feelings to either my husband or my mom. He has witnessed me not be afraid to ask for help when I have felt mentally incapable. This allows him to learn that it is OKAY – healthy even! – to ask for help from our loved ones! I especially love that he has learned this as a boy who will one day be a man; he is learning emotional vulnerability is actually a strength in men — NOT a weakness!
- Your Kids Learn It Is Good To Be Brave And Take Risks: when I take the time to myself to write, reflect, journal, garden — whatever it may be, my son is learning that I care enough about these things to ensure I am getting the time to pursue them. When I publish a blog post, that is me putting myself out there for other people. He sees that. When I garden and harvest the food I grow and share it with others, he sees how important it is to think outside the box and not just do something for oneself. When I took the time to study for something, he witnessed me attempting to achieve a goal or a dream. He is learning that nothing can be achieved without ensuring FOR myself that I take the time to do it….
- Your kiddo(s) may learn just a wee bit more about who you are: what we choose to do in the limited time we get to ourselves often lets our children peer into just who we are as individuals (rather than just as a parent!) and see a different side of us. They learn a little more about what interests us and what we enjoy doing. Maybe, if we’re lucky, one of our interests might someday also interest them. Who knows? In the future, it could be an interest for parents and children to connect even deeper.
- It actually gives you MORE quality time with your kids: say whaaaaat? Yup, it’s true! If I haven’t had time alone, then during the time I spend with my kids I will sometimes be thinking of other stuff I want to do or should be doing. When I schedule my time a little better and include space for my kids and space for me, I can better focus fully on my kids when I am actually with them.
So, Mama’s out there: just HOW important are YOUR needs?
Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your partner, family, and friends. They want to see you happy and healthy, so they will likely be happy to help you find some time for yourself.
Personally, I am really looking forward to reserving 1-2 campground reservations just for myself. The thought of regularly allowing myself time in nature, reading, cooking slowly and intentionally for myself, more reading, stretching/walking slowly, and taking the time to reflect on myself, my life, my goals, and my dreams sounds incredibly idyllic and…..NECESSARY.
So, what will you schedule for yourself?
Even if it’s just for a few minutes each day, taking some time for yourself is essential for your overall well-being. So don’t be afraid to say no to other commitments and put yourself first. You deserve it!
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